The Psychological Dynamic In Friendships

4 Minute Read

 

Friendships play an important role in the psychological well-being of individuals. This is, in part, the reason why they have received so much attention in the field of psychology and a myriad of friendship self-help books. Many articles and blog posts focus on: the different types of friendships, the benefits of friendships, and or how to deal or cope with toxic friendships. Also, articles have looked at the stages of friendship describing how friendships become established. However, there is less emphasis on the psychological dynamic that could occur in a friendship. 

 

This text aims to explore this topic a bit more, discussing friendship as a process starting from the honeymoon stage and progressing to the mirror stage.

 

 

Honeymoon Stage

 

Dinner dates, birthday parties, and home time chills. These are the good times of laughter and Instagram picture moments. 

 

At this stage conversations may flow easily and getting along seems effortless- based on the premise of having similar interests and values.

 

Communication is easily exchanged and the successful planning of activities establishes a sense of industriousness in each friend involved in the friendship. At this stage, friendships also provide support and self-assurance, as well as, a secure space of confiding in each other. 

 

Also, at this stage, friendships are new or feel new and the rewards are ample. Thus, an individual may decide to make a commitment to the relationship by spending more time with their friend.

 

 

 

The Stage of 'True Colours'

 

With more time spent in the company of a friend their 'true colors' may appear. In other words, they may display an aspect of themselves that may have not been as easily visible before. 'True colors' does not necessarily mean friends have not been who they really are, rather this describes a process that with more time spent with each other, friends may start to reveal other layers to themselves.

 

At this stage, friends may start to take up too much space. For example, if their lives are less financially balanced they may ask to borrow too much money and never pay it back. They may also speak more about themselves adopting less of a give and take approach. In addition, they may perhaps attempt to use the friendship to satisfy their sexual needs, depending on their sexual preference, breaking down the boundaries that contribute to the foundation of the friendship.

 

Also at this stage, as an appreciation and awareness of each other's success (career, romantic relationship, family bonds, and even appearance) increases, competition and jealousy may override the once positive aspects of the friendship.

 

The dynamics in the friendship may also change where personalities and characteristics start to bring out negative ways of relating to each other, resulting in the breakdown of successful communication and the creation of conflict. 

 

 

 

The Plateau, Descend or Ascend Stage

 

Based on the efforts made by friends during conflict bought about by 'True Colors', the friendship can Plateau, Descend, or Ascend.

 

 

 

Plateau

 

Plateau is the consistent maintenance of the friendship where each person or people involved have learnt to tolerate each other. Despite there being arguments they are ignored or dealt with on a surface level in an effort to keep the friendship going. At this stage, the benefits of the friendship match the vices, and there are little or no gains as well as little or no losses, ultimately the friendship satisfies the threshold for a steady friendship but not much more than that. 

 

 

 

Descend

 

At this stage, the behaviors and adjustments of friends do not satisfy the expectations in the friendship.

 

During this stage, backstabbing and gossiping may occur, as well as, physical fights and individuals who were once friends may become enemies. There may also be other friends coming into the friendship circle who do not share the same sentiments leading to an individual in a certain friendship circle feeling out of place. Eventually, if the friendship fails to change to a Plateau or an Ascend it leads to termination. 

 

 

 

Ascend

 

The ascend is when a friendship strengthens in bonds. Also, it describes the process of expectations and platonic needs being excelled in the friendship. In some instances, people may describe the Ascend process as friends becoming more like family. This eventually leads to friends mirroring each other.

 

 

 

The Mirror Stage

 

At this stage, friends may come to describe being in each other's company a lot like being with themselves, their twin, or double. During this stage, if a friend stops mirroring or mirrors less the process of the friendship can lead to new avenues restarting the Honeymoon stage where the change leads to something new and exciting, or it can lead to the 'Stage of True Colors', Plateau, Ascend (where friends grow closer and together again) or Descend. 

 

 

It's important to note that these stages do not occur as a series but rather are interconnected and can also be parallel. Understanding the dynamic in your friendship can help identify what decisions are most likely to assist in your psychological well-being as influenced by your friendship, whether that be working on yourself, changing behaviour in the friendship, or communicating adequately so your friend changes their behavior to determine if the friendship is worth keeping or if it's time to part ways. 

 

 

 

 

Picture by: Dennis Magati

 

Centered Consciousness